Making the Choices you Choose Work

Making the Choices you Choose Work!!!!!!!!

Have you ever really thought about that sentence?? Thought about what it means and what it means to make your choices really and truly work???
Well alot has been going on in my head these past few days.... am I focused..... I have said this over and over. But this time around I have been praying about it .... Asking God for guidance. I have a BIG problem in MY life...... that problem is I EAT my emoitions ........ja ja you read that right I did not get to be 350lbs or close to it again (have not been on a scale to verify it) my doing healthy things ......... I am eating a healthy breakfast and getting my water in and also have begun to be alot more attentive to my eating after work (late at night)......... But I eat when I am upset, fustrated, having problems in my personal life....... Eating is one thing I can control... I can eat when I get them feelings and no one at all can stop me........ I tell myself they dont care they dont understand what I am going through.... they dont love me...... I tell myself I am NOT worth anything better then to be belittled by them...... to take there attitude.... to let them get in my face cause their life is not right...... to let them cut me down any chance they get and I say to myself ok whatever you cant stop me from eating this ice cream or cookies so I eat the whole thing (1/2 galloon of ice cream or whole bag of cookies) and I cry inside while I eat cause eating is the one thing that always LOVES me no matter what ...... the one thing that is always there to make me feel good always...... food never cuts me down never tells me I am a piece of crude.... So I eat and eat and eat and emotionally feel better for the moment but the problems are still there the next time we (me and the person in my personal life) have words or problems again the same problems come back up and more problems on them and I eat and eat and say to myself who cares just eat and then why exercise it aint gonna help I wont stick with it..........
But last night Sept. 26th was a waking night for me........... I was looking back on my life and looking where I am in life now....... Last night was 8 years ago I divorced my first husband ..... it was the day I discovered that I was worth more then a child molesting husband... that I was worth more then wondereding if or when he was gonna molest again.... and I have never looked back to that life again..... I got with a guy that was NO good for me..... but finally 2 years after that I got away from him and seen that I was ok alone.... that I could live and LOVE myself ..... then I met a great guy (in alot of ways) and we have a little guy that is awesome.... my world he is...... but me and my dear hubby have trouble as I am sure almost every couple have...... I am in college part time (have to take classes at the school cant be done online) I work 2nd shift he works dayshift .... we have little "family" time together..... we are both unhealthy over weight....and we come from two different moral valves ways of being raised..... but we honestly love each other deep inside..... but I let things be said and let my feelings get hurt and then I eat and eat.... and I let him make me feel like I am no one..... but last night as I was thinking back on life....... I asked God to show me what I need to do at this point in my life........ in my heart I feel he is showing me to get real with my emotions that he will be there to help me through this.... that he gave me another chance at life.... afer guided the doctors to do emergancy surgery and get the cancer out of my body (even though ever test we did in the months prior to emergancy surgery came back NO cancer at all) He has given me a new lease on life and is showing me that I am worth more then to be cut down and made to feel back and like I am no good (he doesnt do this all the time but it is atleast one remark a week) ..... so......
It's time (thanks Ang for your blog and letting me see them words) to take FULL charge of MY life and to live it the way God has ment for me too live...... Not being someones verbal punching bag not to let someone make me feel so bad that I turn to food to escape..... I need food to LIVE not to HIDE behind.....
So this is a new life and a new me..... I am NOT looking back any more........ Sept.26th 2008 is my day to a new life inside and out........ digging through emotions ......dealing with emotions between hubby and I as they happen...... this is it ........ thank you God for never givin up on me and for being the ONE sted fast thing in my life...... I have a long life to live and am Going to LIVE STRONG..... with Courage, Belief, Faith and LOVE

Thank you for another awesome day