Thankful & Focus

Have you gotten to the place where you know what to do and you know what your doing is NOT working? Have you gotten to the place where if things DONT change and now then you know they probably wont change? I woke up this morning with a feeling deep in my being. I have been playing with my weight. Losing a few pounds one month just to gain it back the next month. As of two weeks ago at the doctors office I have lost and kept off a total of 4 pounds. JUST 4 pounds the rest I have lost and regained and lost and regained again. I know I have medical problems and the extra weight just adds to it so one would think I would break through this crap and get this weight off right?? At the doctors I weighed 339lbs ...... I have peaked at the scale and seen numbers being 332.4 which is great (that was a few days ago) this morning it was 335.1 and I am asking myself what the HELLO am I doing..... Am I scared to get below the 330 mark?? What is holding me in limbo?? Why am I doing this to myself?? Five years ago when we went home to visit I was down to 260 ........ now I am a big fat hog again ...... my family knows I have put weight back on (they are not small people either) but why cant I seem to mentally break this 330 mark??? Why have I been playing all year this far back and forth gain and lose the same weight?? I am going to start using fitday again starting today. I need to be honest and get my veggies and fruit in.......need to cut the carbs (Bread, pasta) I eat way to much of this
I am not a planning kinda person and I need to have a plan to lose this and keep it off. I need to work through the feelings of why I emotionally eat and why I stop and start over and over.
So I am focusing on what I eat, my moving my body but more then that I am focusing on getting ME back. Taking me Back one step, one meal, one attitude at a time ......... Today IS the day ....
If you have any feed back on anything for me please feel free to post it !!!!!
If you have any suggestions how I may do something different and get better results.... post it!!!!!! If you need to tell me to get real ....post it!!!! I need to hear these things and get out of my protective bubble.

I read NoMoreStinkingThinking and LOVE her blog ...... every Thursday she post things she is thankful for ....... and it got me to thinking "what am I thankful for"
So hear goes:
1) My health..... I need to lose weight. But I am thankful for being alive, surviving cancer and having joy in my heart.
2) My hubby ....... he is awesome....... he cooks, cleans, works, and loves our son and I
3) My little guy..... there is days I would not make it through if not for his smile, his laughter, him
4) My job..... I can honestly say I "love" my job
5) My relationship with God ........ he has carried me through so many things
6) My sister and brother...... we are always there for each no matter what.... no judgeing ........no questions.... when the world goes out they are there always :)
7) My best friend Connie...... met her end of my junior year of High School (way back in 1985)
8) bloggin and online friends ..... inspirational and encouraging awesome people
Have a great day and
Keep On Keepin On